prettyquills | A Change of Pace

bisharp posting in

Summary: How Super Junior met.

Genre: humor, crack, genfic, friendship ^___^

Rating: PG-13 for um. LAMENESS LOL orz

Char/Pair: All. And I actually don't think there are (many) ninjas :D

with kyuhyun, henry and zhou mi

How are we supposed to remember fifteen guys' names? were the words that scripted the headlines of the music industry, once it had been announced that fifteen-member boy band Super Junior was going to be debuting.

"I think the real question is," Kangin said as he flicked the magazine in his hand, reading the article, "is how many possible gay pairings can they slash between us."

"One hundred and twenty," Kyuhyun offered from the side.

with (kyuhyun,) henry and zhou mi (redux)

"So we have three Chinese members, and twelve Korean members," Heechul said, looking around. "Nice."

The three Chinese members sat in the corner by themselves, looking at each other strangely.

Do you have any idea what they're saying?

Not at all.

Koreans are funny looking.

"Let's just hope that they don't add any more," said Shindong. "Or else we might encounter some controversies and stuff."

(A few years later, it was announced that a trainee named Choi Minho was going to be put into a subgroup for Super Junior. The fangirls didn't care too much, until they got angry that someone was violating their oppas, and the chant 'ONLY 15' could be heard for miles.)

without leeteuk

Once all eleven members had gone around the circle and introduced themselves, Sungmin glanced around. "Who's the leader?" he asked.

"Naturally, the oldest," replied Eunhyuk.

They all looked to each other, trying to remember each of their birthdates. Suddenly, Heechul cried out happily, "I'm the leader!"

All the others blanched.

fanservice is actually not in their contract

"So, do we actually have to do all that skinship stuff that all the other Korean boy bands do?" Yesung asked, crinkling his nose slightly. "'Cause that's just kinda... awkward."

"Oh, no, it's okay." Kim Youngmin waved his hand and shook his head. "Actually, the contract strictly states that you guys aren't supposed to do any fanservice at all."

The other members breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good," Siwon said. "It always creeped me out, anyways."

(The band proceeded with their normal routines, appearing on shows and singing their songs and performing their choreography, without the fanservice just like the contract stated.

The group disbanded in late 2005 due to no fans and no album sales.)

in which siwon is not a christian

"I'm Donghae," said the man tipping back and forth on his bottom and looking around eagerly. "I really like football and I was named after the East Sea, and--"

"Okay, that's enough," Leeteuk said quickly, interrupting him. He turned to the man beside him. "How about you?"

"I'm Siwon," said the man next to Donghae.

"And is there anything special about you?" Leeteuk asked him.

Siwon looked up thoughtfully, before looking back to Leeteuk and shaking his head. "Nope. Not really."

"He's kinda funny looking," Donghae observed, poking Siwon's face. "He's not like, as handsome as the rest of us... not that he's ugly! But he's kinda scrawny too."

"Donghae!" Eunhyuk hit Donghae's side.

"I guess that's what happens when you're not God's favorite mortal," boasted Heechul, who had previously announced that he was a flamboyant Christian. Heechul had beautiful long hair, with distinct features that made him more prettier than anyone else in the world (then again, God's favorite mortal or not, he'd always be like that.)

in which hangeng is not chinese

"There's no good food around here," Heechul complained.

Ryeowook glared at him from the kitchen.

"There's no good food around here," Heechul repeated.

He turned to Hankyung and poked him. "You. What good are you around here?"

"I dance and sing," Hankyung replied.

Heechul stared at him for a long time. "You're boring. I hate you." He got up and left the room.

Hankyung sighed.

no ddangkkoma, small hands, or collecting bugs

"I sing," Yesung said to all the group members.

Everyone nodded at him, waiting for him to go on. Leeteuk blinked.

"Anything else?"

"Um. Nope," Yesung responded.

"Really? You don't have like, some weird hobbies or pets or small hands or anything?" Kangin interjected.

"My hands are normal sized, thank you very much," Yesung said, holding up his normal-sized hands for all of them to see. "Otherwise. Um. No."

"How do they expect us to be successful if we're all so boring?" Heechul complained.

"Hey, I'm Chinese--"

"You're still boring," Heechul snapped to Hankyung.

genderswitching. well, hardly...

"I'm Heechul!" piped up the only girl among the group. "And I'm not quite sure why I was put into a guy group. I mean, it's not like I look like a guy, right...?"

"Of course not," said Siwon, gawking at Heechul quite openly (then again, everyone else was.)

"Why was she put into a boy band?" Yesung whispered to Ryeowook beside him.

"I don't know," Ryeowook whispered back, "but I'm definitely not complaining."

Heechul fluttered her eyelashes at them. Leeteuk cleared his throat and tried to look away.

"Well," he said, "why don't you do something? Like, um, dance! To show us how talented you are."

Heechul paled. "I... I don't really dance," she told them.

"Oh come on! I'm sure you'll be fine!" Shindong encouraged.

"Well... okay..." Nervously, Heechul got up from the ground and went to the middle of the practice room. Then she proceeded to do something with her limbs, though no one was quite sure what it was.

"Is she... dancing?" Donghae muttered to Eunhyuk.

"Forget anything I said about wanting to fuck her," Eunhyuk sighed.

shindong is the world's biggest fruitcake

"Like oh my god," Shindong said as he filed his bright pink nails, swinging the bag over his shoulder. "There are so many people who say that they can dance, but like, ugh." He flicked a piece of hair aside and looked at all of them very seriously. "They can't. They- They just can't."

Everyone else stared at him.

Suddenly, Shindong's phone rang from inside his purse. Shindong dropped his nail filer to the floor and dug through the pink bag, revealing a sparkly purple phone. "Sorry guys," he said to them. "I have to take this. Hello? Oh my god, I heard, that was the ugliest thing since--ugh, oh my god, I don't even want to think about it--"

"I think he's the only gay one here," Kibum whispered loudly.

The others nodded.

("He's too gay to function," Sungmin added quietly.)

donghae + more sugar - sanity

"I'm Ryeowook," Ryeowook introduced himself.

Yesung smiled. Leeteuk nodded. Donghae grinned.

"Aww! Aren't you so cute!" he cooed, and reached over across Siwon to pinch Ryeowook on the cheek. "So so adowable! The cutest thing in the world! I like you!"

"Um..." Ryeowook stared at him blankly. "Thanks."

"Moving on," Leeteuk said exasperatedly, as if Donghae had been doing this the whole time they had been introducing themselves.

"I'm Kibum," introduced the next man.

"Kibum! That's such a pretty name!" Donghae yelped before anyone else could say or do anything. "Kibummmm! Kibummmmmmmm! You know what, I think I'm going to call you Kibummie!" And he proceeded to reach across Siwon and Ryeowook this time, and latched himself onto Kibum.

Kibum sent him a look of distaste.

All of a sudden, at that moment, the door flew open and five men dressed in all black entered the room. "Tranquilize him!" shouted one of them, and another pulled out a gun and shot something in Donghae's direction.

Donghae jumped up. The bullet hit Kibum instead, and he fell to the ground unconscious.

As the ten other band members ran over to Kibum to make sure that he was all right, Donghae stood up and cackled. "You'll never catch me!" he said to the men in black, and then fled the room, with the men with guns on his tail.

The rest of the band stared.

ryeowook knows how to "do"

"You must be the youngest here," Siwon cooed, looking down at Ryeowook. Ryeowook grinned and batted his eyelashes innocently.

"Actually," Kibum interrupted from the side, "since we're sitting in birth order, technically I'm the youngest."

"But I look like the youngest, right?" Ryeowook turned to Kibum as well and stared at him with his large, wide eyes.

Kibum stopped and managed to stutter out, "Uh-uh, yes." A pink blush suddenly appeared over his cheeks.

"Lucky him," Leeteuk muttered, though when he glanced at Ryeowook he couldn't help but find that there was something alluring about him as well. Especially when Ryeowook giggled and tangled his fingers in Kibum's hair, next to him, playing with the strands.

"Do you think we're allowed to have sex with our bandmates?" Yesung muttered to Kangin next to him, looking at Ryeowook.

Kangin was staring as well. "I don't know, but if we do, I call first dibs."

"The contract didn't say anything about it," Heechul added from Hankyung's side, both men watching Ryeowook as well. "I call second."

anteater!eunhyuk

"I still don't see how I resemble a horse," Siwon grumbled, scowling as Heechul entered the room and made loud neighing sound. Siwon turned around and glared at him.

"Hey, at least you don't look like an anteater," Eunhyuk said. He scrunched up his too-long nose. "I mean, out of all animals, an anteater? I don't even eat ants!"

"You're cute like one, though," Leeteuk put in, coming in and pinching Eunhyuk's nose affectionately.

Eunhyuk growled.

kyuhyun was straight and smart (at the same time)

"So I'm being put into a thirteen member boy band aiming to please teenage girls?" Kyuhyun asked over the telephone.

"Yes! You'll be rooming with them too!" said the man on the other end cheerfully.

Kyuhyun pulled back and looked down at his phone.

"No thanks, I'd like to keep my heterosexuality."

henry played the tuba

"So... you're going to be playing the tuba in our new song for the second album?" Eunhyuk asked the new boy.

The new boy nodded and smiled brightly. "Yup!"

"What's your name?" Donghae asked interestedly.

"Henry."

"How long have you been playing the tuba?" asked Kangin.

"For um, ten or eleven--no, eleven years!" Henry glanced around and continued beaming.

Ryeowook glanced over to Leeteuk. "So there's going to be a tuba solo at the bridge of Don't Don?"

"Yeah. Hey Henry, why don't you play and show us how it's going to sound?" Leeteuk gestured over to the instrument in Henry's arms.

"Okay!" Henry said happily. He brought his tuba up and started playing, blasting sound all over the place.

When he was done, the others brought their hands down from on their heads. "That was... interesting," Siwon said, rubbing the inside of his ear with his finger.

"So how is he going to play at live performances?" Eunhyuk asked Leeteuk.

Leeteuk turned white.

"I'm... not quite sure..."

girls' junior

"Apparently they originally wanted a huge number boy band and a huge number girl band, but then they decided to just make one huge girl band," Leeteuk said, looking to all of them.

"Oh, but a huge boy band would have been hot," Donghae whined, flinging his hands to his side. "Now we're just a bunch of... girls."

"There's nothing wrong with girls," Eunhyuk said with a grin, turning to Donghae. "For example, we have boobs." He poked Donghae's boob.

"Hey!" Donghae squealed and covered up his chest. "Go violate Siwon, she has the biggest boobs here!"

Siwon, from sitting next to him, blushed eight shades of red and glowered at Eunhyuk. "That was unnecessary."

"Don't be a pussy." Still smirking, Eunhyuk crawled over to Siwon and started tickling her. "See, these are things that only girls can do!"

Siwon squealed, and all the other girls laughed.

"Shouldn't we help Siwon?" Kangin asked from the side.

"Shh," Sungmin said to him. "I wanna watch this."

if zhou mi wasn't the most fashion intelligent man in the world (or at least, wanted to be)

"Kui Xian, Kui Xian, shh!" Zhou Mi said, eyes shining as he stared at the television screen. "The program's coming on soon!"

Kyuhyun sighed and looked at Zhou Mi, from playing his computer. "Really, Mi, I don't see why you're obsessed with wrestling so much."

"Because! Look, doesn't it look fun?" Zhou Mi giggled and pointed to the television screen. On it, one man was thrown to the ground while the other sat on top of him and started beating him up.

Kyuhyun winced. "Not really. And why are you dressed like those guys, anyways?" He eyed Zhou Mi's clothes distastefully.

Zhou Mi looked down at his large tee shirt and department-brand sweatpants, and then back up at Kyuhyun with a slightly offended look on his face. "I am not dressed like them! I'm just more interested in being comfortable and watching wrestling than caring what I looked like all the time! Yeah! Pummel him to the ground!"

"I'm pretty sure liking wrestling is gayer than liking fashion," Kyuhyun muttered, returning to his game.

the gayest boy band in all of asia

Ryeowook walked into the room nervously. He wasn't sure how the other men would react to him. Like, what if they thought he was too... obnoxious? What if they didn't like it? Or... what if there weren't any other like him?

But there should be others like you, he said to himself. One in ten, right?

He let out a long sigh as he fastened his hand around the doorknob. This was it...

"Hey!" The man closest to the door, and also the leader, Ryeowook presumed, since all the others were looking at him expectantly. "We noticed that we were missing one! I'm Leeteuk, by the way."

"Oh-- um-- yeah," Ryeowook stuttered, darting his little black eyes around nervously. "This- This is Super Junior, right?"

"Of course it is!" The man who seemed like the youngest there came up to him and put an arm around his shoulder. "Don't be so shy! I'm Kibum. We were just discussing our dorm assignments."

"Well," said Leeteuk, clapping his hands. "I guess we've decided that there will be all-member orgies in the living room every Saturday and Sunday, and then throughout the week we can take turns sleeping with each other--"

"Wait, wait, wait." Ryeowook stuck his hands out and stared at them. Leeteuk went quiet. "You mean, you guys are all gay?"

"Well of course!" said a very pretty man. "What, you honestly thought that they'd make a boy band as big as this without knowing that we're all gay first? Please."

"Oh." Ryeowook breathed out a sigh of relief. "Well then. Carry on."

"As I was saying, we'll take turns sleeping with each other during the weekday..."

"You can have Shindong first," Donghae muttered to Eunhyuk, poking him.

more wine for me, more wine for you (more wine for everybody!)

"I... I think I've seen you before," Sungmin giggled, pointing to Kangin.

Ryeowook laughed, and Sungmin leaned in so far to Kangin that he almost ended up kissing him on the cheek. "We all just met each other today, hyung!" Ryeowook slurred.

"Oh... that explains a lot!" Sungmin giggled again and then lolled his head around, resting it on Kangin's shoulder. Kangin turned beet red, though it was probably from the alcohol.

"I... How many did we have?" Heechul asked Ryeowook, tipping his head so far back that he ended up slipping and landing on Siwon's chest. "Whoops!"

"Ummmmm well manager hyung gave us like twenty bottles and said that they were for the rest of this month... though Kangin and Sungmin hyung said that they went out and bought five more packages!" Ryeowook said eagerly.

"So we're going to get drunk every night?" Kyuhyun asked eagerly, eyes glinting.

"Yup!" Donghae shouted.

"I hate being Catholic," Yesung muttered.

"So," Leeteuk said, clapping his fins together and casting his gaze over the icy landscape, before turning back to the other members. "I think we should go around and introduce each other."

Donghae eyed at the dead fish on the ground with disgust.

ending notes:
. omg i am so lame
. originally i was also going to have 'tlist pimping saturday', a livejournal friending meme, and a harry potter au type thing... but then i got lazy n___n
. i really, really have no idea what this is. take it as seriously as you like.
. this is the first fic i've written in two weeks. GO ME oTL i really should start studying.
. also inspiration was actually from miracle______'s 'new beginnings' prompt thinger... but yeah i didn't get the idea till recently so orz
. (technically) dedicated to all you assholes who've been out of fandom for the longest fucking time ever omg
. penguins